What scares you is that you will come up short in your manhood or womanhood in marriage — that you will always be living in the shadow of your partner’s ex-partners — that your shortcomings and deficiencies will loom over you in the form of inexperience.Remember this: meaningful sex isn’t primarily about a particular (1 Corinthians 7:4; Ephesians –32) — and only in the God-appointed context of the marriage covenant.The conversation should not mainly be about the issue of history, but of maturity.Yes, the person with the past, if their sexual activity is recent, needs time to heal before they enter into another romantic relationship.It would be a terrible violence to give someone’s past sins power over them that they didn’t previously have.Give them the grace of knowing that their past doesn’t define them.
If they don’t enforce some comparison on you, do your best to accept that and move on.
There’s not a magic number of weeks or months to wait before dating someone else after having sex. “Desire without knowledge is not good, and whoever makes haste with his feet misses his way” (Proverbs 19:2).
Andy Stanley recommends Christians who have lapsed into a sexually immoral lifestyle wait a full year before dating again — he says, in fact, that it is the best and most important piece of advice he can give those in this situation. As you consider someone for marriage, their maturity today — the evidence and trajectory of their becoming more like Christ — should be your primary concern.
The one who has his or her own sexual history faces their own challenges.
The twin emotions of judged when you feel the weight of your partner’s regret and struggle to process what their sins mean for you.