"Divorced men have experience sharing finances, a home and schedules. Talking about the future doesn't prompt most divorced guys to run for the hills the way it might lifelong older bachelors.
These can be great perks," says licensed psychotherapist Tina B. They're also more "willing to share their feelings and tackle the tough topics," says relationship expert Lori Bizzoco, founder of Cupids "Men who are divorced enjoy companionship that they were familiar with having been married before," says La Pronda, 43, who's dated both never-married and divorced men.
All this information came up over the course of our 10-hour date, and to some extent, the process of James discussing it was akin to someone waving a red flag in my face. The point of course is this: There are some serious pros to dating a divorced guy. The Cons: (I thought we’d get the negatives out of the way first. ” You’ll have to manage her continued pining, her continued pursuit. You will see him see old photos, you will see him cry or scream or fume or mourn. And – lest it bears mention – this is all as much fun as… A guy who’s lived with a woman for a significant period of time has a pretty good sense of what to say and when to say it. If you’re boyfriend’s divorced, you can be 99 percent sure he’s lived with someone else for a while and has a solid understanding of shared space as a result. A divorce is a horrible thing to be sure, but from what I’ve observed, it’s also pretty humbling.
You’ll have to manage the frequency of her calls, the hours at which she makes them . well, imagine shredding a carrot, tying all those carrot shreds together, then threading the long, thin carrot they’ve become through your sinuses till they pop out of your mouth. Let’s say you’re trying on a dress, and you ask his opinion. He understands the closet isn’t his and his alone, he understands he doesn’t always get control of the TV. Well, I don’t know about you, but I’ll take a humble guy with failed marriage over some arrogant guy who’s never settled down any day of the week.
"Our previous marriages and subsequent divorces taught us what's important to fight for and how not to sweat the small stuff," she says.5. "Many marriages fail because men didn't realize that they wanted a woman with certain traits the first time around," says relationship expert April Masini,author of "Now they do, and you benefit from a man who's clear on this."Divorcés' straightforwardness can save you a lot of dating guesswork, adds clinical psychologist Ramani Durvasula, Ph D."They may be more upfront about their limitations and strengths resulting in less game-playing and time wasted in relationships that won't work."6. Consummating a marriage gives divorced guys a leg up on pure bachelors in the bedroom.
"If nothing else, they may have learned appropriate bedroom chivalry: Ladies first," says professional matchmaker and dating coach Karla Moore.
"Divorced men may be done having kids after one marriage," so if you don't want any, he won't push the issue unlike some single, childless men, she says.
There was one little problem, however, and that was that James already had a wife.
Now, before we all get our panties in a bunch, before I get labeled the heinous man-stealer, let me toss out a few more details: James’ wife was on the cusp of no longer being his wife. But to quote Olivia Newton John in her star turn in “Grease,” What I mean to say is that over the course of those 10 hours I couldn’t knock the feeling – despite all those red flags – that James and I might still be a good match. Which brings me to now, two years into our relationship. In this day and age, the briefest jaunt through Facebook reveals significant portions of who this woman is: What she looks like, what parts of herself she likes to advertise.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, this guy is clearly still pining for his wife. Sure, it might sound like an, err, interesting time (and there's nothing wrong with straight sex now and again), but this guy has wayyy too much undealt-with emotional baggage.
And yet, no matter how many times you try to bring up where this is going, you get a shrug of the shoulders and "let's just keep having fun." Blech.