It was necessary for me to spend some time alone, to sort through my regrets and triumphs and decide from a balanced perspective, what I was looking for in “next.”So, maybe by examining and sharing some of the joyful things I look for in a woman, I can better understand my motivations, and you can better understand the male sex impulse that is often troublesome and misguided. She was not ready for any relationship beyond just holding hands and a sweet peck on the lips at the end of a snuggly evening. For me, it wasn’t really about unresolved issues, but I did let a distant dating relationship go on for a long time, thinking my yes-mind was going to convince her to sleep with me. We’d not been able to work out the first “hello” date. And all of them about an hour before we were scheduled to meet.But first, let’s get one thing straight: I am not an apologist for men and their bad habits. I’m so happy I could sing the Pharrell song all day long. I was accommodating even after the third, “I can’t meet this morning.When I am free of these habits I am more confident that I am actually ready to try for a relationship again.Be aware of your seeking patterns and when they are out of balance, or overblown, you might dial back your intensity a bit and examine what’s going on for you.The closer we get to our own innate joy (even when alone) the more we are able to recognize the same joy in others.And it’s a process—we don’t emerge from divorce happy and hopeful.
I’m sorry to break that news to you if you’re just emerging from an unhappy marriage, but relationships, even starting out, take work.
I was showing up, smiling as much as possible, and telling my happy tales, but I wasn’t able to fake it ’til I made it. And while I do profess to have a very positive and happy outlook on life, I know that I can overdo it.
I just wasn’t very good at covering up the real emotions that were still wrestling within me. It was actually better for me NOT to get what I wanted. I once floundered in a lopsided dating experience, because I was so damn positive I was going to be able to shift it from the friend-zone to something more intimate. But even the woman mentioned, “You’re one of the most positive people I’ve ever met.” Yeah sure, I thought, just kiss me then. And after a few months, I woke up and smelled the coffee. But when I sense it in someone else now, I put up some more awareness filters and look to see if it’s covering up something that’s deeper and unresolved. TWO: He’s too accommodating.“Oh sure, we can reschedule,” I texted her for the third time in a month.
When I am clear, I can make rational and appropriate decisions. Or a single whole relationship, that’s my ultimate goal, one relationship.
When the chemistry is ON but the warning signs are also shining bright, I can walk away from the temptation. But I’ve got a long way to go before settling down.